


Soundtrack: Clexa: Skylar Grey, Words

by River_Lex



Series: Soundtrack: Clexa [8]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Modern Setting, lexa died- spoiler, love letters to the dead, soundtrack, this is actually kinda depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 05:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7421617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River_Lex/pseuds/River_Lex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So many questions<br/>I'm talking to myself<br/>I know that you can't hear me anymore<br/>So much to tell you <br/>And most of all goodbye<br/>But I know that you can't hear me anymore<br/>It's so loud inside my head<br/>With words that I should have said<br/>And as I drown in my regret<br/>I can't take back the words I never said"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soundtrack: Clexa: Skylar Grey, Words

“Lexa-

This is probably stupid. In fact, I know it is. But my mom said it could help if I just wrote down what I'm feeling like I was writing a letter to you. So here goes. 

I miss you. A lot. Obviously. When my dad died, it felt like nothing could be worse, like my world was ending. But through all of that, you were there. You helped me get through that. But now you're gone and I can't even believe I had to just write those words down because I don't see how it could be true. You've always been there, you're just a constant thing in my life. But now I have to start this whole new life, one without you in it. And frankly, I don't want to do that. 

I want to wake up next to you in the morning and I want you to tell me it was just a nightmare. I want to go for walks in the park and listen to you talk about the birds and stuff. I just miss little things like that. I wish I could just hold you one more time. 

God, this fucking sucks. I can't even write down how it feels because I don't actually think they've invented a word for how this feels. Of course, there probably is one, and you'd tell me what it is. 

If I had known you'd be gone in so little time, there's so much I would have said to you. But I didn't and the weight of it is killing me. So I'm going to write it down. 

I would say, 'Lexa, I know I don't tell you this enough, but you are so important. You are strong and smart and so, so loving. I don't know how I ever got so lucky to have somebody as important as you in my life.'

'Lexa, I love you. Love isn't a big enough word but it's the only one I know to even get close to what I feel for you. Never forget that I love you.'

'Lexa, sometimes when I look at you, I can see forever. I can see us getting married, having kids, getting old together. I want that with you.'

There is so much more I would say, Lexa, if you were still here. I would tell you about the little kid who came into the gallery and how beautiful the sunset was and about how Raven helped me repaint the studio. But I can't. 

I don't really know why I thought this would help. If anything, it's making it worse, just making me realize everything I'm never going to have with you. I'm not going to be able to marry you, Lexa, but I never want to be with anybody else. 

And I want to say goodbye. My mother told me that it's been long enough now, I need to let you go. Quite frankly, that's not going to happen. But I can at least say the goodbye we never got. But we were never big on goodbyes, were we?

So, Lexa, thank you for forever, even if it didn't last. Thank you for the promise of it. And, like always, I love you. May we meet again.

-Clarke”


End file.
